Hot sticky eyelids try to claw themselves open. A shrill screeching pierces the clammy dullness of a drunken stupor.
Rushing around with far too little sleep and far too much beer sloshing about in your stomach is never conducive to effective packing. Assorted kit thrown into a sack. But remember the bog roll. Never, ever forget the bog roll.
You swore you wouldn't do this again. And yet another Saturday (well technically its sunday) has rolled around; finding you out of your mind stumbling, lost through the cities maze. Crawling into bed at 5. Last ditch attempts to cleanse yourself of your self indulgence. A pint of water. And another. Shit that was a bit much. Gunna need a piss now. Bollocks.
Soon enough you make it to the meet point. Sunglasses hide bleary eyes from passing motorists but this lot can get close enough to smell the Tequila on your breath. Fuck. No excuses made, and a long day of suffering begins.
Walking to the crag the alco-sweats start. A shiny veneer of last nights consumables layer your neck and face. Spreading like a rash across laden shoulders.
Finally it begins. The climbing. The only reason you've put yourself through all this shit. Well its not for your good health that's for sure. And it can go either way from here on in. It could all go to shit. Quite literally at times (but that's another story involving famous 80's climbers, human shit, and my harness). Or it could go swimmingly. Regardless though these occasions are always marred by trepidation and fear. Not fear of falling and hurting yourself. That is pushed firmly to the back of your mind. But the fear comes with the booze-poos. That elusive enemy of hungover climbers the world over. The enemy that strikes at moments of extremis. At your most fragile. Your moment of weakness.
As the sun finally makes its slow retreat below the horizon you are able to make a dignified exit from the scene. The slow pounding headache, like a fat kid sat on your face has begun to recede. Instead a gnawing hunger has enveloped your inner voice. Haribo and chocolate are rammed down a parched throat. A dry mouth calls out for fluid.
As you step back into the car a distant buzzing hums its way into your concience.
'Pub later? x'
Why not? This phobia you have developed is tugging at you again. What will the doctor say when you tell him you have a morbid fear of dehydration. Im not sure but I do need to stop going out and climbing the day after. My god its painful.